We have walked this journey now for 14 years and each path has been uncharted - unknown territory, strewn with uncertainty and unpredictability.
Just when you think you are understanding how to navigate the terrain, an unexpected trail emerges...(so many 'uns'...uncharted, unknown, uncertain, unpredictable....!!???)
Right now we are stepping out a very painful walk - stepping without knowing if there is even another one ahead...?
Walking as a family with a very precious girl in her battle with cancer - each step of fear, anxiety, grief, loss flip-sided with it's corresponding desperate grasp on hope, faith, trust, longing....
Walking alongside her closer to an impending end fills me with so many emotions -
I want to believe in miracles and hold out for them but the pungent taste of reality stings me to accept that just being here is a miracle alone.....Should I ask for anything more!?
Slowing down each wavering print in the path doesn't alter it's direction -
There is no reverse gear anymore...there never was....for any of us!
I'm searching the horizon - straining to see the distance left ahead?
How much time? How far to go?
How close is terminal?
The questions that resound like an irregular rhythm drawing us closer...
This was not in my plan....off the chart I had unconsciously mapped and constructed....
A way I never anticipated to turn into.....
Yet faith remains unmoved - a heart that in its brokenness still trusts....
Eyes that pour with liquid prayers watching a child we love gradually fade....
Holding hands together......capturing smiles to keep them as treasures,
The richness of love immeasurable,
The power of gratitude,
The extent of sacrifice,
Somehow I am praying that these pieces will be 'Kintsukuroi' - REPAIRED WITH GOLD - and someday I will look back and see this journey with eyes of understanding;
Although it was not my chosen direction, that it was made more beautiful for having been a broken road.