I haven’t written for some time – not because I have nothing
to share but the opportunity to consolidate the process into understandable
paragraphs is limited to my physical and mental ability to catch my breath and
focus…..Those of us in this journey have likened it to a roller coaster, a
marathon……or a soap opera……
After a year and a half of investing in this restoration
process we are right now seemingly in our ‘lowest’ and most challenging season
with these kids......and it is in this place I am discovering the most peace.
With all the progress these children have made over this
time, some are still choosing and plotting their runaway back to the street
which proceeds a return to solvent abuse, promiscuous behaviour to pay for
addictions and survival mentality – Even those who have been most settled and
‘successful’ in carving for themselves a new life with us at House of Joshua have
unexpectedly U-turned back around.
Everyone wants to understand and know ‘why’?????……
Why return to the filth, danger, minimal survival?.....Even
the children themselves can’t answer those questions. But they have ‘tried’
family……and for them right now it still isn't enough…..
The summer is relentlessly fierce this year – the heat
imprisons us all inside – there is boredom and restlessness…….. (not helped by
a broken TV and power cuts! J)
The street enticingly and magnetically offers some kind of alternative escape
and ‘freedom’ but they soon rediscover it is a deceptive mirage, the grass isn't
greener and they are no happier back on the other side……
They return again.......they run again.......like boomerangs.....
Equally some of our staff are emotionally drained and
stretched out with this extended painful and difficult road of loving…… and
losing;.....the battles, the tears, the tantrums, the fights, the sleepless nights, the prayers, the investment and expectation
for some small sign of compensation for their sacrifice …….After giving
everything and now facing another defeat they are understandably empty and ready to leave too......
Checkmate!
I have of course myself questioned much as we try to lead
this ministry and hold the threads together. Is this failure?.......We have
done all. Why is it not enough?.....The price of obedience is costly. Even
the tears and disappointment of my own children trying to understand why their
friends have gone (again) gashes my heart. They are not just faces, or numbers, statistics to post -they are family....and that is why it hurts us all.
In my times of despair and
discouragement however I am uncovering a secret treasure in the darkness…..The
greatest success is being exposed……………
Whatever these kids do, wherever they go, whatever is
‘wasted’ in whatever degree accomplishment is measured against us, I have
finally fathomed my heart’s greatest triumph….
I STILL LOVE!
It doesn't make sense, it is raw, inflamed and sometimes
bleeding freely…..but it hasn't stopped flowing….Whatever tries to weaken,
disable, choke or submerge it’s resolve, I continually find that it pops up
again, like a cork, buoyant and resistant.
It has remained absolute, unreserved, undeserved and
unrewarded…..it is messy and unrestrained, often discarded and futile but I am
not able to prevent it resurfacing.
We may be judged as foolish, unproductive, or fruitless, or
mocked for squandering our lives among these ones…..I will humbly accept those
conclusions and criticisms…..A just verdict for what seems like a lost cause.
But whether you believe and accept it or not - Love IS an
absolute!
YES – it is absurd, irrational, illogical and unreasonable but
that is why it always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres – It is tough - and it has to be - That is why
it never fails.....
I don't have the answers - the experts have strategies and suggestions.....but they are useless and don't work.....BUT this is the only thing I do have to give......and if it doesn't work and breakthrough there isn't anything left that will.
‘Now these three remain – faith, hope and love….but the
greatest of these is love’ (HIS....not mine!)
1 Corinthians 13:13
