Monday, October 28, 2013

Wanting To Be Wanted

I arrived at HOJ yesterday to find a father and a grandmother sitting in my office. The located family of 'P' a dirty, hungry ragged boy that we rescued off the street for temporary shelter just 5 weeks ago.

His parents are separated and neither wants to take responsibility for him now that they have their 'OWN' lives, different partners and new families........He had been living with his Grandmother who found him too much to handle on her own as he is uncontrollable and kept running away preferring to hang out with the other street children who are more of a family to him. In just a few weeks with us it has been clear that he has seen and experienced much more than any 11 year old should see, know or be part of.......

His own drawings of his family are of coffins. He tells everyone his parents are dead......His teacher was shocked at his matter of fact statements when he started school.....He even asked her blankly if she would adopt him.

They are not dead physically but it is a true picture of his heart. Dead, gone, nothing left for him......

He has been restless at HOJ - longing to 'go home'.....but to what?

I sat there watching him, his father and his grandmother - 3 people related but disconnected, distant and silent.....The father seemed annoyed at the prospect of having to take responsibility for his son; a nuisance, interruption and embarrassment to his life and the things that he wants to do......It's the mothers fault he defends himself washing his hands of any part in P's life - awkward and uncomfortable at sitting next to him.We know personally many people who are longing for a child but he wishes he wasn't a father......
He really isn't a father....just a person unfortunately related by DNA - a burdensome mistake that he can't erase......He looks at the clock.....time ticking by......he needs to go to work.......

The Grandmother with softer compassion wants to protect and care for him but he is a stubborn difficult boy, attention seeking, impulsive, uncooperative, defiant,  but you can hardly expect anything else when he is so rejected, unwanted, lost. Despite his naughtiness, outbursts and cheekiness there is a sweetness to him - a tender little heart ......in there....still beating.....still longing......a light still flickering......

.....She prefers him to stay with us acknowledging honestly and humbly her limitations to meet his needs....
She tried to persuade him to stay, promised to visit him......you could see her anxious eyes praying for him to change his mind .......His silence and downward eyes......wanting to be wanted.....

He is just desperate to belong to someone.......anyone.....

She relented and agreed to take him 'home'....

The three left together but the 'reunion' has left my heart heavy - for I know he will be back on the street today......exposed once again to those who were taking advantage of him......using him for their own pleasures and gain......back to the 'family' that feels familiar.....

'Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty'
Mother Teresa






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