I was young, enthusiastic and somewhat naive when I first began working in this intense ministry field. An unpredictable and volatile territory where I sincerely believed without a doubt that we were (and still are) mandated to respond and try to make a difference among vulnerable children – Perhaps it was a factor in my favour which kept me optimistic and prevented discouragement from turning me back on my steadfast resolve….???
I still shamelessly have that childlike and seemingly stubborn heart – that refuses to give up or surrender – that sees the cup as half full or the challenges as the potential and opportunity rather than the obstacle ……but the journey has definitely dented, bruised, tainted and crumbled the ‘Disney’ dream of happy endings, where those you reach out to, love and give your life for ‘all live happily ever after’……..
The road of reality has been strewn with messy lives, tears, frustrations, fears and shared brokenness…..an unyielding fight to hold fast to hope and a sometimes daily battle for each step that this restoration process involves for every child…..
A courage contest to believe…..
A perseverance struggle to find (and keep) staff who are committed for the long haul, without glamorous results, rewards or compensation….who have both the character and determination to really stick it out and love unconditionally without measuring the sacrifice….
This challenging year has brutally stripped my own simple heart bare and exposed afresh the rawness of love….uncovering the vulnerability of opening up myself further to pain…to loss….to more disappointment.
Self-preservation dangerously erects walls of limitation that inhibit transparency and prevents growth. The protection becomes a division and a barrier to authentic relationship.
Hollow attempts to conserve our inadequate core resources backfire through detachment and self inflicted isolation....disconnection from ourselves and those around us.
A sweet, wise friend once told me that pain is the evidence of life….if there is no pain or bleeding then life has already gone….
Pain is confirmation of life still pulsating through my soul….through the veins of this daily work….an active transfusion through us and out into these kid’s lives….as long as we remain connected channels without blockage.
It is the thread woven through and holding a messy, broken, hurting, vulnerable family together, the magnet that draws the prodigals back home…… It is the only answer I can give and the only source that sustains each moment
Although I am severely lacking.....the real and only supply is immeasurable.....